Some say to-may-toe, some say to-mah-toe, I say potato.

Emailed in by one of our readers, our resident potato...the brilliant Sarah Brenny.
Stranger: hi

You: So let me get this straight.

Stranger: female?

You: This is the internet. Am I right so far?

Stranger: yep

You: I see.

You: And you, my friend, are communicating via this 'internet', correct?

Stranger:  i guess

You: Because you, my dear stranger, cannot get laid. Sound familiar?

Stranger: yep right on the money

You: And, to add to your list of problems, your mom's basement gets increasingly cold at night as the winter wears on.

Stranger: nope dont have a basement

You: So you're homeless.

Stranger: no just have a house with four rooms and one of my own

You: So you're a hamster.

Stranger: exactly ima hamster

Stranger: And you are ?

You: Potatoes.

Stranger: Im just guessing but your a female who is uptight cause she is not able to get many orgasms

You: Nah. I'm potatoes. Potatoes typically are perfectly fine living in a sack with fellow potatoes until ready to be peeled and mashed/boiled/smashed. In my case though, I'm a rebel. I became sentient around 1942 and decided to invent and subsequently frequent the internet.

Stranger:  what is the point of informing me of the most irrelevant thing you could possibly say

You: Irrelevant? Oh my laws! This is only my life story! You indignant fool. How dare you diminish the importance of potatoes' role in the invention of the superworldwide interwebhighway!?

Stranger: what in the hell do a mere potatoe have anything to doo with the freaking internet

You: No, not *a* potato. I am potatoeS. The whole of my being is made up of 7 separate potatoes working together to establish sentience matching that of one human of above-average intelligence. That aside, however, I went to great lengths to achieve the invention and patent of the Internet as we know it, and to this day, I use this technology and marvel at my own genius.

Stranger: .....

You: That's how most of the world reacts upon the realization of the truth behind my masterpiece. Just soak it in, son.

Stranger: ..........

You: Take your time.

Stranger:  nothing to respond to how dumb you sound

You: Or is your speechlessness merely a result of the restriction placed upon your vocabulary and thought processes due to the limitations of your own intelligence?

Stranger: as much as that may be true

You: Ah, but it is. It is simple as that.

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

If you liked this lolmegle sketch you may also like Have you found Jesus?, A Wild Omegle Appears!and Double-own.